


Without losing hope

by TatianaSazonova



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen, Welcome to Sanditon
Genre: F/M, Love, Love Confessions, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:42:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28688850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TatianaSazonova/pseuds/TatianaSazonova
Summary: This is a separate finished work not related to any other of my fanfic.The story recounts the events after the ill-fated fire and Charlotte's return to Willingden. What will be the fate of our heroes? What kind of life awaits Sidney and Charlotte in the future? Is there any hope?I wish you a pleasant reading!
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	Without losing hope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sanditon_fan_22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanditon_fan_22/gifts), [sanditonkisses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanditonkisses/gifts), [sanditons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanditons/gifts).



She dashed out of the house, and like a swift doe, darted through the garden, straight to the river. Her hands were shaking and heart was beating like crazy. Tears, barely restrained earlier, poured down her cheeks in powerful streams. Charlotte gasped for air like a dying fish washed up on the beach by the relentless surf. She wanted to scream, no, she wanted to die and not see or hear anyone or anything around her. How could just a few lines on a simple sheet of paper break down all the walls she'd been so diligently building around herself all these months, trying her best to shield herself from pain and suffering? How could this piece of paper delivered by mail coach from Sanditon tear her heart apart again? Charlotte was sure that she was resigned, that she had learned to live without looking back on the past, to accept a fate in which there was no Sidney Parker and would never be again. She'd convinced herself that this whole thing had been a dream, and now it was time to wake up and smile at the dawn of her new life. The help of her parents, the closeness of her relatives, her father's home and places she loved from childhood, like good friends, tenderly extended a helping hand, allowing her to get back on her feet and go forward with her head held high. She convinced her father to rebuild the tenants ' houses. She began to actively help him with papers, and devote the rest of her time to her younger brothers and sisters. Charlotte threw herself into her work, and Mr. Stringer, who had come to help with the construction, at the request of Mr. Heywood, brightened up her working days by mixing them with pleasant conversation and dancing in a close family circle. Her family liked James, and the month he'd spent in Willingden had brought them closer together, allowing them to talk about topics that neither of them would have touched on before. They discussed everything, poetry, construction, love, family values and attachments, loyalty and deception. Charlotte was open to anything, and James only welcomed it. Only one name never came out of her mouth. Miss Heywood did not mention Sidney Parker under any circumstances. Only now did she understand why. No matter how hard she tried, the wound she'd received at Sanditon this summer was still bleeding...

She wiped her eyes again and took the crumpled letter out of her pocket.

"To Miss Charlotte Haywood, Willingden, from Miss Georgiana Lamb, Sanditon"

“What's the matter, dear?” She heard her younger sister's voice behind her, “ Why you? God, you don't have a face on.

"It's all right," Charlotte replied, trying to smile and looking at the piece of paper in her hands, she added, " I guess I'm tired at work. The church was too stuffy, and the sermon was unusually long. I just decided to take a little walk... read letters that have come in”

"Don't talk me out of it, Miss Heywood," Allison said sternly, “ What really happened? Is it from Sanditon? Mary or Georgiana? Something about the Parkers?”

Charlotte was silent, not daring to speak.

"It's Sidney Parker, isn't it? Did he write to you?”, asked Allison, " How dare he after what happened? Isn't it enough for him to just break your heart? What else had he done?”

"Nothing, he's done nothing wrong," Charlotte hastened to assure her, " and this letter is not from him at all, but from Georgiana.”

"Then I don't understand why you're standing here alone in tears instead of having tea on the terrace with your family and Mr. Stringer," Allison said sternly.

Charlotte reluctantly handed her the letter. Allison unfolded the paper and began to read aloud.

"Dear Charlotte, I wish you could come to Sanditon, it's just terribly boring, dreary and cold. I don't go out much, and I think back sadly to the days when we could talk and make up things to fool that nasty Sidney Parker. I admit it was fun. I really miss your company. Ask your father, maybe he'll let you come here for a little while. There will be no problems with the placement, nor with the money, I will take care of it, I have my own funds, they will be enough. Mrs. Griffiths had a room to spare because Julia had married and left this damned place. I wish I could do it yet. I used to dream of London, but now I don't want to think about it. Ask me why? Because there's Sidney Parker with his gorgon medusa! I'm still mad at Sidney for what he did to you and I still don't talk to him. By the way, he's not too happy either, even insisting that the wedding be quiet and inconspicuous, which, of course, did not please his cobra. Arthur said that she looked very sad at the wedding, although she continued to smile. I guess living with an old geezer won't teach you that yet. Well, I was distracted... The Parkers are back in London, back from their honeymoon, never missing a ball. So the road to the capital is closed to me. I don't want to meet them under any circumstances, much less attend the heir's birthday ball, which will soon be thrown by the newly minted Mrs. Parker. I'm sure she won't miss it this time.

I am waiting for your answer as fervently as waiting for letters from loved ones. Come and save me from this madness.

Kisses. Your Georgiana.

P.S. I have news from Mr. M. I will tell you only in person. Suddenly our mail is being read. "

"He's going to have an heir soon," Allison murmured, " and I know you're upset, but, honey, it was to be expected. People living in marriage have children, this is the law of life. Look at our parents.”

"Yes, yes, yes," cried Charlotte, “... I know intellectually that he's married and irrevocably lost to me, but it just seemed like a formality, a deal. But now... Allison, they will have a baby, the fruit of love...”

“You said that he should try to make her happy yourself”, Allison replied, “ and you know that this was the right thing to do.”

“Yes”, barely audibly uttered Charlotte, “but as would me like, to all was otherwise.”

“I understand you”, answered Allison, affectionately call hugging sister for shoulders, “believe me, soon all will pass, all will settle down. You just need a distraction. Accept Georgiana's invitation, and perhaps, if Papa allows it, I can accompany you. Moreover, the housing issue has been resolved....”

“Do you really want to go with me to Sanditon?”, Charlotte asked in surprise.

"Why not," Allison said, smiling broadly, " under the care of an experienced mentor like Mrs. Griffiths, we'll be perfectly safe. And perhaps there you will be able to find some kind of outlet for myself. I can see how much you miss the sea. You come here every day and look at the river...”

“I guess you're right”, Charlotte said after a little thought, “ and I'm not risking anything, the summer season is over, and the probability that I will accidentally meet Sidney Parker is zero. Especially since they're so busy with the heir....”

"Forget about him, just do it for yourself," her sister interrupted, " you deserve it more than anyone else... It's time for us to go home, otherwise our parents will start looking for us...”

“Yes, of course”, Charlotte smiled absently, mechanically stuffing the letter back into the pocket of her apron “ let's go...”

Allison took her arm, and the two sisters started down the familiar path to the house. In the garden they came upon Mr. Stringer, who, seeing them, smiled happily and informed them that everything was ready for tea, and the family was waiting for them on the terrace. Charlotte thanked James and went forward resolutely, determined to talk to her father about her departure for Sanditon. Little did she know then that she was about to have another substantial conversation with a completely different man, who was watching sisters return to the house.

"Dear Eliza! Dear brother, "said Tom with a smile, as he made a low bow to his sister - in-law," I am very glad that you are in perfect health. The ball is simply wonderful, I do not cease to admire your taste and elegance. It's just a delight.”

"Thank you, Mr. Parker," Eliza said, with an elaborate smile in return.” We're a family now. Isn't that right, Sydney?"

"No doubt," he said dryly.

“I in turn invite you to Sanditon”, said Tom, “Trafalgar House is always welcome to such guests as you! Why don't you say something, Mary?”

"Yes, of course, you're always welcome," she said, confused.

"My dear Tom," said Eliza, taking his arm, " I am very much flattered by your concern, but the summer season is over, and the autumn winds are so strong and cold that I cannot guarantee my health, and now that I am expecting a child...”

Sidney closed his eyes and walked slowly away from them, pretending to see someone he knew. This bravado with the child was beginning to infuriate him. Since the announcement of their engagement, he had tried to honor all the terms of the contract, tried to make his unwanted wife happy. God knows it took a lot of effort, every action, every look from Eliza, every word thrown at her made Sidney sad, thinking of Charlotte, her intelligent eyes and kind open heart. He tried to write to her many times, but always stopped himself, knowing full well that he had no right to do so. Mr. Parker had lost the trust of his beloved forever, and he certainly did not deserve her forgiveness. He tried to be a good husband, and he was, and everything was decorous and proper on the outside. But inside. There was a longing in his heart for the one he had left behind, trying to save his brother's family. He thought a lot about what he had done, and each time he convinced himself that he had made the right choice. Tom no doubt deserved a severe punishment, but what was the fault of Mary and their four little ones? Could he live in peace, knowing that his beloved nephews were rotting in a debtors ' prison? No, he couldn't even imagine such horror. The transaction was completed. The bridges were burned and the road back was covered with a thick, impenetrable fog. Sidney was almost resigned to his fate, accepting that a child and a job would be the only joy in this gray, imposed life.

"Darling, have you heard the news?" Eliza asked "Your architect, James Stringer, has announced his engagement to Miss Haywood. What do you say to that?"

Sidney's breath caught in her throat. He felt as if he had been suddenly punched in the gut and was about to fall and never be able to get up again. Mr. Parker was not prepared for such a blow.

"I'll say I'm very happy for both of them," he said dryly, summoning up his last will, “ I didn't know Mr. Stringer was well enough off to get married.”

“Oh, Sidney, you're too hard on the young man”, Eliza laughed, “ he's an architect, the farmer's daughter was incredibly lucky to make such a profitable match, otherwise she risked spending her life caring for pigs or even remaining an old maid. She should thank God that he looked in her direction at all. Especially with her appearance.... Runs everywhere bare-headed... It's a nightmare.”

"Miss Heywood is a gentleman's daughter," Sidney said harshly, " and she can choose who she wants to marry."

"Oh, you don't know anything, Mr. Stringer designed and built a pagoda right in Sanditon Park after his father died. It was a kind of memory of him. James asked me and I …”, said Tom , “Well, this building was so popular with the public that word of it reached the the Prince Regent himself. He was delighted. One day Stringer woke up famous. The society received him with surprising cordiality. Of course, he works hard, but now he can afford anything.”

"Charlotte must be very happy," was all Sidney could manage.

"Oh, no doubt Miss Heywood is glowing all over," said Tom, "she does everything herself, and has already come to Sanditon to help with the newlyweds' house. You know, Sidney, Charlotte is very practical, but she has a lot of imagination, so this wedding will be a real event in Sanditon.

Sidney nodded sympathetically, feeling that his strength was already running out. He paled and struggled to keep his balance, slowly sniffing the air.

"Is something wrong, Sidney?", Eliza asked, "Did the news of Miss Heywood's wedding upset you so much?"

"No, it's all right," Sidney said, " it's just too hot today. I apologize”

Sidney took his leave and left his companions. He forced a smile, bowed to a couple of newly arrived guests, met them on the threshold, and quickly left the hall. Sidney felt sick, his temples throbbing, and he wanted to run away from this house, London, away from these people scurrying around, from these curious eyes and politely outstretched hands.

God, why would he do this? Who needs all this? Who needs this ball? His unborn child? What nonsense! It was all Eliza, taking her revenge on him for a quiet, inconspicuous wedding that had been ignored by the society . She had to reign, she had to show everyone that only she decides what her marriage will be. It all seemed so small and ugly, so unimportant compared to what he had just learned. Charlotte is getting married. His Charlotte. It hurt him just to think of someone's hands touching her soft palms, and someone's lips feeling the sweetness of her soft lips. He rubbed his hands over his eyes, trying to shake off the delusion and pull himself together, but he couldn't.

"Darling, I want to remind you that we're the hosts of this evening and you've been hanging around the halls all the time," Eliza said sternly.

"Of course you're right," Sidney said in a flat voice, walking up to his wife and offering her an elbow.

His own life was no longer his own, and the creature he loved with all his heart was so far away and out of reach that all further resistance was meaningless.

"You really don't want to stay for tea, do you?" Mary asked sadly, " you've just arrived, don't you have to leave today? The children and I will be happy if you stay longer.”

"Sorry, Mary, a lot of work," Sidney said, forcing a smile, " I just stopped by to see you all and say goodbye to the sea until next year. I don't think I'll be back here any time soon.”

"Tom doesn't want to go back to London just yet," Mary said sheepishly.

"Come to the manor with the children," he said, " it will brighten up my long, cold evenings."

"Thank you, Sidney," said Mrs. Parker, " but I don't think that's a very good idea. The children don't like Eliza. I don't know why. And I don't want to give you any trouble.”

“As you wish”, he smiled, “ in any case, the invitation is valid, and you can always use it. Have a nice day." See you soon.”

He bowed and went straight to the door.

"Sidney! Charlotte's in Sanditon now.", Mary exclaime.

He sucked in a deep breath and smiled at his sister-in-law.

"Just one more reason to get out of here as soon as possible, I don't want to spoil her preparations for her own wedding," Sidney said firmly.

"But listen... That's not …- " Mrs. Parker tried to say .

"Good - bye, Mary," Sidney said, opening the front door, “It's too late anyway”

Winter was already coming into its own. The sea became sullen and gray. The storms, one stronger than the other, were now and then covering Sanditon with their indomitable power. Today was no exception. Dark waters, powerful waves crashed down on the rocks, mercilessly tearing themselves to shreds, and throwing tons of white foam, and then went back, leaving only a yawning emptiness of a lonely and useless beach. The same thing happened in the heart of Sidney. The anger that kept coming over him was gradually replaced by despair, then vice versa, leaving only a cold and emptiness inside him, which it seemed that he would never be able to fill again/

“Mr. Parker?”, he heard a painfully familiar voice from which his heart first stopped, and then began to pound at a breakneck speed, “ I did not think that I would see you here. At this time of year, not many people prefer sea walks.”

"Miss Haywood! “, he exclaimed, his voice breaking with excitement, “very glad to see you.... Let me congratulate you, your family is waiting for a pleasant event. I hope everyone will be happy.”

“Thank you, Mr. Parker, in another way and can not be”, sincerely smiling, Charlotte replied, “let me congratulate you on the wedding and the imminent birth of an heir.”

"Me, yes... Thank you, Miss Heywood, " Sidney hesitated, wondering how he could have forgotten that he was married.

Mr. Parker studied Charlotte carefully, trying to keep in mind every line of her beautiful face, every curve of her body, every fold of her pelisse, the grace of the ribbons that fluttered in the wind, barely holding the elegant hat on her head. Miss Heywood was so alive and fresh and beautiful that Sidney's heart ached. He suddenly wanted to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness, to touch her soft hands, to lose himself in the sweetness of her kisses. Sidney almost gave up and let his fantasies win. He came so close that Charlotte could feel his breath on her cheek. The urge to kiss him had become unbearably strong, and from the look on Sidney's face, Charlote saw that he was feeling the same way.

"I'm sorry, Miss Heywood, I didn't mean to embarrass you in any way," he said, retreating a little, " I - I'm sorry, Charlotte... I shouldn't have …“

"It's all right, Mr. Parker, we both shouldn't," she said faintly, " I think I'd better go, especially since Mr. Stringer is already waiting for me."

"Mr. Stringer is a very happy man, Miss Heywood," Sidney said, " if I were you, I wouldn't tell him about our meeting.”

"I think you're right," Charlotte said, clearly intending to leave immediately.

She turned and walked slowly down the beach toward Sanditon.

"Charlotte! - called her Sidney.

Miss Heywood turned to him.

“ I wish you every happiness!” he said.

"Thank you, Mr. Parker," Charlotte said, and walked on with her head held high. Sidney sighed heavily and looked longingly after her. He could not imagine that the storm that was going on in Miss Heywood's soul could be as strong as his own.

The carriage swayed slowly out onto the cobblestone streets of Sanditon. Sidney shuddered, as if waking from a dream.

"Why did I come here? What am I counting on? What right have I to interfere in her life after all I've done? After breaking her heart and ruining her fragile girlish dreams?"

In the year since his wedding, a lot has changed in Sidney's life. His wife, whom he had never loved, had died in childbirth, giving birth to a son and leaving him alone with a loneliness that only the newborn Mr. Parker could alleviate. Sidney named him William after his father. He devoted all his free time to his son, privately reproaching himself for not feeling strong regrets about the death of his mother. To his sin, he was greatly relieved to learn of her death. Sidney had never meant her any harm, nor had he entertained the hope of suddenly becoming a young widower, but the freedom he felt was intoxicating and terrifying. When did he turn into such a heartless, bloodthirsty monster?

"Here we are, Mr. Parker," the driver called, stopping the carriage, “ Sanditon church. Looks like the ceremony is about to begin. We made it just in time.”

"Thank you, Harris," he said, and opened the door and slowly stepped out of the Carriage.

Sidney's hands were shaking, and his mouth was dry. Terror gripped his entire body. On an impulse, he rushed to Sanditon, leaving his son in the care of a wet nurse, only after learning the exact day of Charlotte's wedding. Now he was tormented by strong doubts. The desire to throw himself at her feet and beg for her forgiveness struggled with common sense and honor, which would not allow him to do such a mean thing to the newlyweds, even if the price would be his own happiness.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked resolutely back to the carriage.

"Sidney! I'm so glad you're here. I didn't know you were coming," he heard Tom say cheerfully.” Mary and the children will be very happy. Everyone was very bored. Let's go to church, it's already started.”

“ No … I don't think I should go there, " Sidney muttered back, not expecting this turn of events.

"Nonsense," said Tom, smiling broadly, “You should definitely join us.”

Sidney shook his head frantically and tried to retreat, but Tom was already gripping his arm in a death grip and dragging his brother into the church. Sidney was almost speechless as he stepped inside. The bride and groom were already standing at the altar and making vows to each other.

“I'm too late, now Charlotte is lost forever”, he thought as he made his way along the wall to where the many Parkers were stationed. He wanted to run away, but in the current situation it would look terribly stupid, so Sidney decided to go all the way. He was going to congratulate Charlotte along with all the guests and leave immediately, hoping to forget about this nightmare, although he was sure that he would not be able to do it.

Sitting carefully on the edge of the bench, the middle Parker fixed his gaze on the bride. Every word the priest said tore his heart apart, making him hate himself again and again and regret every act he had done. The pain was unbearable and Sidney prayed that all this madness would finally end.

"By the power given to me by the Lord God, I pronounce you James Isaac Stringer and you Allison Elizabeth Haywood husband and wife, united in purpose and a happy life. What God has combined, let not man separate. Witness your union with a kiss... " the priest said, and the church exploded with cheers and applause.

"Allison Haywood? Did he say Eliison? Not Charlotte? How is this possible? “ Sidney almost shouted aloud, jumping to his feet. My breath caught in my throat, and his heart skipped a few beats.

The groom, to everyone's approval, kissed the bride, causing a new flurry of emotions. Everyone headed out to greet the young people at the church door and shower them with rice and white rose petals. Only Sidney remained rooted to the spot, unable to believe what he had just seen and heard.

After receiving the last instructions from the pastor, the young people also left the church, leaving Sidney alone with himself. He walked to the altar and looked around in confusion. Mr. Parker had no idea what was going on or what he was going to do about it. Joy, fear, and excitement were all mixed up in him, like a huge, fragile vessel that was ready to shatter at any moment.

"Mr. Parker?" Charlotte asked in surprise.

"Charlotte! ", he exclaimed, jumping up abruptly and rushing to meet her.

"Mom forgot her stole," she said, smiling slightly, " I guess she was feeling a little emotional, after all, she's marrying her daughter for the first time."

"Yes, I suppose so... “ Sidney muttered back, unable to take his eyes off her.

"I offer you my condolences, Mr. Parker," Miss Haywood said gravely, " and I'm very sorry for your loss. It's not fair to pass away so young. If there's anything I can do to help...”

"Thank you," he said shortly, and lowered his eyes.

Charlotte was far more noble than he was. Her pure, open heart could not leave anyone indifferent. She only smiled in return and curtsied, not daring to annoy him any further and preparing to join the other guests.

"I only came because.... I thought it was your wedding, " he almost shouted after her, and Charlotte froze halfway to the door, “I just wanted to say goodbye to you forever.... and wish you happiness....”

"Mine?" said Charlotte, turning abruptly to face him, “it doesn't make any sense … James and I are just friends. He's like one of my brothers. And the more we talked, the more I became convinced of it. And with Allison, they quickly found a common language. They are the perfect couple, the best of which is not worth looking for. So why do you think this is my wedding? Who told you that?”

"Tom said that... Hell, he always said Miss Heywood and never called you by your first name, " Sidney said, clutching his head, “He said Charlotte is making her own arrangements for the wedding... but … I didn't think you were just helping your sister. What an idiot I am....”

“It's just a misunderstanding”, Charlotte said, laughing , “is that why you were so strange there on the beach? You acted as if you thought badly of me.”

"I never thought badly of you," Sidney said, taking a step toward her. Charlotte made her move.

“So you weren't engaged and weren't going to get married? ", he asked hopefully.

She shook her head.

Sidney took another step, coming within arm's reach.

"I know I'm not worthy of you, and I never will be, but I want you to know that I still love you, even more than I ever have," Sidney said angrily “ and I realized that I couldn't be happy with anyone but you. I'm far from perfect, and you know it best... I only ask you to give me one more chance to win your heart again... If you have any love left for me, please be merciful and don't drive me out of your life... At least let me be there for you and be a good friend...”

“ No! “, Charlotte said sharply, and Sidney flinched, his heart sinking into his throat, “ I don't need another friend... I need a man who will share all my troubles and joys, who will be my support until death separates us. I need a man who I can be proud to call my husband and the father of our children. Are you ready to go for it?”

"Anything to keep you close to you," Sidney said firmly.

She looked him straight in the eye and then smiled sweetly.

“Charlotte, well, where are you? “, a child's voice was heard , “my mother is already waiting for you.”

"I have to go, Mr. Parker," she said, holding up her stole, “ mother wait.... but you can come with me... if you want to.”

"With great pleasure," Sidney said, walking over to her and extending his elbow. He had a happy smile on his face.

"Can you tell me how you got there, Mr. Parker?" she asked, smiling slyly, as she always did before. With delight, Sidney's heart soared into the sky.

"It will be quite a long story," he said.

"I'm not in a hurry," Charlotte said, laughing...

They were married a year later, when the mourning was over, all the troubles and conventions were settled and everything was back to normal. Sanditon Church welcomed the bride and groom and their few guests. The ceremony was modest and therefore very sincere and sweet. The Heywood and Parker families, who had become close friends during this time, greeted the young people with joy. One by one, the guests began to congratulate the newlyweds, generously giving them hugs and smiles, making Charlotte's heart beat faster. It seemed to her that there could not be so much joy in life at once. Her mother and sisters were crying, her brothers were more courageous, and she was afraid to look at her father. Mary, dear Mary, could not control herself, lavishing the newlyweds with an endless stream of tears. Even the elder Parker felt the importance of this moment and congratulated his brother and sister-in-law heartily. Everyone wanted to give the newlyweds a piece of warmth, to wish them joy and good luck, because they really deserved it.

The wedding dinner went extremely well, the table and decorations were impeccable, and the jokes and general elation made it simply unforgettable.

The time came when the newlyweds had to leave the guests. Sidney and Charlotte said their goodbyes and went to the waiting carriage that would take them to the Parker family home.

Charlotte looked out the window, waved to her sister and mother, and went back to Sidney.

"Did you think it would end like this when you closed the carriage door, up there on the hill?", she asked happily.

“ No, then I thought that I was a ruined man and my life no longer has any meaning”, he answered seriously, but he added with a smile , “but you know, Mrs. Parker, never in my life have I been so glad that I was wrong!”

"So did I," she whispered.

Sidney leaned down and gently touched his lips to hers. Charlotte leaned forward to meet him, responding with all the passion she could muster...


End file.
